Ghosts

I had a dream last night. A dream I honestly believed was real.

I was with my friends. The friends whom I used to have. The ones that I lost because of some stupid, superficial, pointless argument.

I've had some friends that I deeply care about. Unfortunately, they eventually seemed not to care as much about me. In the dream we weren't best friends again, but we forgave each other. It wasn't how it used to be, but we acknowledged that we genuinely cared for each other, and in an unspoken way, apologized for the events that lead up to the end of our friendship. I wish it were real. But somehow I have a feeling that it will not come true.

I really like my new room mate Stephanie. She is a very cool, laid back girl. I am really glad for that, seeing as there were a few hundred girls on the waiting list who I can guarantee you weren't as laid back and mature as her.

I can't believe i'm about to be 20. I feel like a cyborg, half-child-half-adult. Part of me wants to grow up so badly, because somehow I think by growing up I can distract myself with responsibilities and not have to think about life anymore. If I can have a career, endless bills, and a few dozen kids I can emerse myself in a world of endless duties and tasks and never have to be hurt by an ending friendhsip. I will never have to listen to gossiping banter because I am an adult, and adults are too old for drama. But then, I am also terrified of growing old. The thought of having children makes my brain freak out. The thought of having endless duties and responsibilities that I will be obligated to until I retire makes me want to grow a beard and join Hell's Angels or something.

My 20th birthday is coming faster than ever.

Maybe I can run from it.